You crash into me

Have you ever heard a song so powerful and sensitive it could make you cry? I haven't had that experience in a while, especially since I haven't had the time to appreciate music lately. That's when you know something's wrong, when you can't spend some time and do the things you really like, have you forgotten what it's like to live? As opposed to that, living life fully is when you can sense the things that make you shiver, make your heart beat faster... everytime.

"The four right chords can make me cry"

There's a right moment to quote Third Eye Blind. This reminds me of something I have just seen lately, in a film called Good Will Hunting. Now those of you who are movie connaisseurs know it was the talk of the moment when it came out a few years ago. It took me a while before I saw it, then again, I notice as I grow and learn things about life and spirituality that when I watch films again after having seen them as a child or teenager, I perceive things about them which I did not in the time, years back. I saw this film a few years ago and yet I did not understand it talks about the truth of the life of every man in some form. It talks about life powerfully, reaches a level of spiritual perception without even touching the heavenly, it's impressive. There's a lot in it about dealing with the wounds and healing of the heart, in fact John Eldredge quotes a very powerful part of the film in Wild at Heart, a part which had me in tears watching the film.

There's another part in the film which is also very powerful, it is Robin Williams' monologue, and he does it well! But the screenplay, wow, it's completely... Outrageous! There's no words really, that is why here it is, read it carefully, get the flavour of it.

SEAN I thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting.
WILL Eah?
SEAN Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me, I fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and I haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me?
WILL No.
SEAN You're just a kid. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about.
WILL Why thank you.
SEAN It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
WILL Nope.
SEAN So, if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written.
Michelangelo. You know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seen that.... If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. I ask you about war, you'd probably uh...throw Shakespeare at me, right?
"Once more into the breach, dear friends."
But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, and watched him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I ask you about love, y'probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable...known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you..who could rescue you from the depths of Hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, and to have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleepin' sittin' up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms visiting hours don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you: I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius, Will. No one denies that. no one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine and ripped my fuckin' life apart. You're an orphan, right? Do you think I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don't give a shit about that, because you know what? I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you wanna talk about you, who you are. And I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't wanna do that, do you, sport? You're terrified of what you might say.

Yeah, it's a bit long. But it's so beautiful... It really talks about the heart of man and it talks about being vulnerable and open to what can affect your emotions, your sensations, your soul.
It just makes me think, are you brave enough to risk living to the full, with all that it encompasses? Am I brave enough?... I think the choice doesn't take a huge amount of courage, but living it out does.
I see people who don't show any emotions, don't show any part of themselves; they put up their front, for one reason or another... When I see that, I'm so perplexed. The thought that comes to mind is: "Are you a real person? Who ARE you?" So many people do it, man I feel like I don't want to have anything to do with them. Men just talking about girls and drinking and stupid jokes, man I've seen that, show me something new. Anger bursts, defense barriers against one's style of life, emotional xenophobia. Those men want to appear tough, strong, unaffected, the thruth is they are hurt and that is the most cowardly thing to do. Melt into the crowd, be like everyone else, don't open up to anyone, for it is too dangerous.
The real danger is in living life like that, because before you know it, you're spiritually dead, a shell of a man, no more dreams, no more scope, just routine, sad life until finalised decay of the body. With that wisdom of the ages will come bitterness and regret. To go through life and be able to say, "I have no major regrets", will be a real achievement.
I want an encounter with life, a struggle, a race, be a wave crashing into the rocks on the beach.

And the song that did that for me today is a soft, sweet, tender, sensitive, suggestive tune, sung by Mr. Matthews, (I'll never be able to thank James Dacosta enough for being who he is and introducing me to the DMB) called Crash. Just hearing the chords being played round once makes my eyes water. It is a gorgeous song of love and sexuality, the care and the tenderness in it just makes me cry... To think God created music and what it can do to you and then to think about the way it has been cheapened, similarly to what Sean says in the film, people can know what music is, but man, have you ever been touched by the way that guy felt when he was writing this song, have you ever felt your heart well up when you were playing a tune on your own instrument, even if it was just on a random jam?

Take this away with you: are you brave enough to be vulnerable to life? A hint, knowing Jesus helps, you will be able to appreciate life so much better when you know that it has been rescued from hell, bought at a price so you could live...