14th Feb

Feel like I’m gonna get a lot of hate mail from dudes in a few minutes, and potentially even from girls!

I just wanted to comment on the subject of relationships, since it’s Valentine’s period, one which I’m not a fan of, not so much for personal reasons, I got over those with adolescence, but for corporate reasons; it’s one of those non-days which of course are just used for commercial purposes, but worse than that, I believe there are more depressed people on these kind of days than there are happy people, and that doesn’t just go for singles.

I’m sure couples experience crises on these kinds of days, when they’re not stable and they don’t know whether they’ll be together in a few days, or weeks, or months from now, usually because the guys don’t want to commit. I can’t speak as a guy who has his life all sorted out, so I’ll speak with a pastor’s heart: ladies, you’re worth fighting for. You’re worth respect, worth a guy who’s ready to invest into a relationship with you, so don’t settle. I don’t mean that you set ridiculous standards for his looks, style or income, those things can be worked on, but for his character, yes. You’re not his saviour, you can’t change him, something else has to. So if he’s indifferent, if he’s verbally abusive, if he’s physically abusive, if he can’t keep a conversation with you without his eyes darting to the next pair of buns that walk by, if he’s only affectionate on one day of the year because it’s the one day which he is reminded of by everything else, he’s not the guy for you, or not yet. Expect more from him, “I can’t help it” isn’t good enough. I’ve heard countless guys tell me things like: “I’m faithful to my girlfriend, but not in my mind”… And grin. As a guy, I know of the weaknesses of the mind, but that’s nothing to be proud of, nor accepting. As a pastor I deeply respect says: “When you’re dating, he’s on his best behaviour, so later on, you can only expect it to go worse…” let us use for a wonderful example the really nice guy I met on the train with a friend on Thursday. Engineer, fun guy, married with four kids, somewhere between his late 30s and early 40s. What I suspect his wife isn’t aware of is about what he told us in the most casual manner, while talking about Canada: “Oh Montreal, great place, wonderful dancing parlours.”… By dancing parlours, he meant those gentleman’s clubs known as strip-bars.

“I see it like going to a museum. What’s the difference, it’s all art.”

“Well the difference is the sleaziness”, says I.

“Right. Well I try to stay out of the really sleazy ones.”

Really? Wow, what an effort! The shocking thing is that he mentioned it to us because he expected us to high-five him like Borat would. When he asked us whether we went to those type of places, I just said “no, we’re good church boys”, which was a good enough answer for him, but not for us. We would have loved to tell him that it’s not our religion that prohibits us from going there, that even if we were offered, we wouldn’t, that there’s a huge difference between that and a museum, that the value of women is being thrown in the mud in those places and that he should repent and praise God that he still has his wife and four kids with him… And we felt frustrated that we didn’t.

See, if he doesn’t have the ideal to be faithful with his whole self from the start, it’s not going to get better 20 years down the line. Don’t settle for anything less, in fact, expect more than that!

So if you haven’t found the right guy yet, why don’t you let Jesus be your Valentine. If you’re lonely, he’ll comfort you, if you’re hurting, he can heal you. If you’re addicted or enslaved to something, he can free you, if you need help, he can support you. If you feel lost, he can direct you. If you feel worthless, he can show you how much you’re worth. If you feel unloved, he can love you. He’s the saviour you need. In fact, he’s the saviour that guys need! That I need! I’m not John McClane, I’m the kid who gets himself in a mess and who needs help, and eventually, thanks to him, I can grow up and get it together (cultural reference: Die Hard IV). When you realise that you’re not the hero of your story, that you’re just messing it up, his intervention can change you and really give you the tools to be a good guy… That’s one of the main points in the Bible, whether you believe in it or not.

So there you go, here’s an e-card to tell you Jesus loves you today. As cheesy as that sounds. But he really, really does.