under the sun

Venerdì, 30 Dicembre 2005

Orbetello

Tuscan Snow

A cloud has hovered over our sky

Swiftly, before anyone could know.

But slowly, gliding down from on high,

Flake after flake, here comes the snow.

Minute by minute, the air is full

Thousands of flakes dancing in circles

Landing over the green hills and fields,

Over and in between olive tree leaves.

Bonfire smoke rises unaware of the fun,

In a place which is normally used to the sun.

When was the last time these lands saw

White fall upon them, like manna from God.

Swiftly as it comes, away the cloud flies,

Blue and sun again fill the skies.

The Sand and the Sea still share their commune

Woods, unchanged, as though they never knew.

experiencing psalm

23/12/2005

Ansedonia Beach

Serenity... As the wind caresses the surface of the water

Peace... As the sea flutters and the sun draws a line from the end to here.

Rest... As the waves and breeze harmonise in song.

Glad... As my heart takes it in.

Then, as I opened my Bible, this Psalm came to life, wrote itself, right before my eyes...

Psalm 19

For the director of music.

A psalm of David.

1 The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they display knowledge.

3 There is no speech or language

where their voice is not heard.

4 Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,

like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

6 It rises at one end of the heavens

and makes its circuit to the other;

nothing is hidden from its heat.

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,

reviving the soul.

The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,

making wise the simple.

8 The precepts of the LORD are right,

giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the LORD are radiant,

giving light to the eyes.

9 The fear of the LORD is pure,

enduring forever.

The ordinances of the LORD are sure

and altogether righteous.

10 They are more precious than gold,

than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey,

than honey from the comb.

11 By them is your servant warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.

12 Who can discern his errors?

Forgive my hidden faults.

13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then will I be blameless,

innocent of great transgression.

14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be pleasing in your sight,

O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Hallelujah!

God is good!

An Evening of Creativity

10/11/2005
Garden State playing on mute,
between minutes 38&48 on repeat,
Ludovico Einaudi track 9 on repeat

Something has been awakened in me,
I have not experienced since... I don't know when.
I believe I was moving
as if in deep mud for long moment
and now I have been pulled out, cleaned up and I'm runnin',
with open arms.
The chords of my heart are being played by someone
who knows exactly what to do.
And it was silent for so long!

My Father has taken me by the hand
and made me look at Him again.
I recognise him once again.
I understand him once again.
I have fallen in love wiht him again.
... Now He's playing a symphony in me,
making me feel all that I should and that I am.
I trust him once again,
so I feel forgiven, and the one who was faithful takes me in His arms,
showing me once again
the myriad of emotions He has for me.
Love, in its intensity and its pain,
is more than I can bear,
laughing and crying at the same time seems such a paradox.

I trust him again,
and I know He's got the best for me.
Here, it's just me and him,
and that's how I want it, for now.
But I know He knows someone
somewhere else
and He's got her, special, unique and perfect for me,
and also kind of crazy.
He's brought me back into
a... fairy tale reality (lalala) :
The way He wants it to be,
playing music inside of me...

10/11/2005

each key hits my ear,
each string pulls on my heart,
each tone makes me jump within my skin.
The music kills me
and brings me back to life
at the same time
a thousand times over.
... In a really good way.

10/11/2005

In an outpour of emotions and words,
finishing off I collide on the table, on my page,
it's almost too much to take... I can't.
I can't wait... to share this someone else.

10/11/2005

I almost killed myself the other day.
In an uncoordinated attempt to jump
onto a small wall,
I lost balance, fell head first,
grabbing onto a nearby lamppost
I rolled over and landed on my back.
Got up straight away
and went on my way
my head completely unscathed
my legs hurting instead.
I think I was saved.
:) Thanks.

10/11/2005
Call it conclusion

Ever so often there's these irrational bursts of emotions, that are so intense they practically break my heart. In a way they make me feel alive, maybe God has a purpose for them. They certainly awaken my creativity!
I know people think that guys are not supposed to be emotional, or sensitive, but that's a load of nonsense. It's only because most men suppress their emotions and they end up feeling oppressed and feel like they need everyone to share in their oppression.
I want everyone to share in my freedom.
Call it sinusoidal heart patterns, I'm alive. Are you?

... I gotta tell you, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to write down, to express in words the feelings and pictures I had. I thank Jesus for giving me the ability to. And the Holy Spirit for the inspiration. And Dad, for his love.

regaining touch

Sunday, 23/10/2005

Take a moment, in between

chaotic dreams and full speed life

before I finally go to sleep, to grab a pen and write.

"It felt like my life stopped although it was in acceleration,

I lost the string that I was following with concentration."

The quiet moments are the best to examine what it's been like

collecting my thoughts and doing things no one else really likes.

Simple pleasures I appreciate that make me sophisticated

in my own way.

Dreaming dreams and thinking thoughts that are never really clear

Hoping that a concretisation eventually will draw near.

Oh, in my desires I am lost and with no aim,

if not the one to plod on in faith to eventually claim

a finite work for myself.

In the meantime, just write along,

maybe a poem, maybe a song,

with a mug of hot chocolate that says on it "star",

and swirling smoke rising from my cigar.

Matching poems

05/09/2005

07:00

As I am walking into town
the silence of the morning reigns
but quietly broken by the rain
as the sun begins to break.

14/09/2005

Walking down the same path
same time as before.
You painted the sky for me,
in a way that speaks
like a note on a mirror
that says "I love you, have a good day at work :)"

Let us talk about life

I wanted to start this post with, "Let's talk about ME!", but I thought that might sound arrogant.
First of all, an open apology, I know some of you have been checking my Blog regularly and have been regularly dissappointed by not seeing anything new (Papa). My writing has been limited in the past two weeks by the fact that I have started working full time for the church. It's a lot of office work, every week in preparation for the events that are coming up, mainly Friday nights, but we want to make it bigger and better, so we are looking for new venues to meet up in with the youth and so on.
So that's the news: I AM A FULL TIME CHRISTIAN YOUTH WORKER!!!!
It's all very exciting, even though working in the office about four days a week is quite intense, sometimes you feel like you don't have anything to do...
We are looking forward to going out on the streets and inviting new youth to come to Youthness and Youth Alpha, doing outreach events and reaching into the schools, at the same time, I am trying to figure out which is the best way to get the young men growing steadily on their path with God. Some are excited about it, some less, but nonetheless they need discipleship. I'm picking up again the Men's Breakfast Group, which is really exciting, and tomorrow talking on the topic of forgiveness, how the forgiveness of Christ affects us and how we should respond to it. God has been teaching me a lot about this, through reading but also through reaching into my heart and moving things, piecing things together, so I can speak out of experience, which is always good when you're talking about something of that pastoral importance.
Other great stuff going on in my life is that I am doing Impact training along with the church service (which is the whole point of the year, to learn theology while being on the field, rather than just learn without gaining any practical expeerience). The first training block was two weeks ago and we learnt about Ethics, which deeply involves us as Christians. I was really impressed at the way our speaker Pete Carter presented the issues and exposed fully the implications of certain ones, not being afraid of sounding controvertial. He is a man of immense knowledge and spiritual insight and yet, so humble, gotta get me some of that! On every issue he wanted to whoop out the legalistic answer and bring in the godly answer.
I also get to attend a counselling foundational course, possibly to go on and do a further counselling course which actually would give me credits in the open university!
I have to set aside study times every week, which is great, I get to study Biblical Theology and Systematic Theology, which is so very cool indeed.
I am really happy, this year I get to do the thing I most wanted to do in my life. I don't know what will happen next, but I believe it will continue in this rollercoaster ride! Don't wanna miss out on any of the blessings God has for me!
The office team is great, I get to spend time with some really great people and we have a say in some really important issues, which is really cool!
This year is all about God and I can fulfill to the max my life's mission, to desire God more and more every day!

Take it easy guys and don't worry about me!

More rain

Wet clouds
Originally uploaded by Ti.mo.

Mardi, 22/08/2005

Water falling
intermittently
landing, loading
releasing in ripples
across the glass
on this strange trip,
where the blue has turned to grey,
driving along this huge highway,
getting to know this person next to me,
in her desires and pains,
her bad hair days, which will never be
really as they say, her locks too pretty.

Every thing you have done
is beautiful and enrapturing:
the raindrops, as they tear
racing onto the surface of the window
in so many strange shapes
and the line and pattern
that I follow along the fringe
that comes out more than
the rest of her hair, across her eye,
curling up onto her face.

What a strange day this is,
and what a place
to be in... Looking back
it reminds me that everything I see,
makes me know your grace.

Giorno di pioggia

Venerdí, 19/08/2005

Che coincidenza
Che in questo giorno di pioggia
Caddono dai vostri occhi queste lacrime sincere.

Gli scherzi e viaggi e balli sono un ricordo del passato,
che rammentano solo: un altro anno e gia andato.
Il parto dopo tanto tempo
peró, e sempre alquanto duro;
di quello che vi abbia dato
io non son tanto sicuro.
Sperare soltanto posso
che imparato qualcosa abbiate;
che non sia solo l'accademia
tra cui nella vita cambiate.

La gioia, l'amicizia e amore
son quelli che vi spingono
e dare, quanto ne date
senza neanche chiederlo indietro,
per questo piangete, ma poi raddrizzatevi e andate.
Un altro anno viene, come sempre, ma guardate
oltre a quello che vedete. Non so se ci saranno
altri viaggi, balli e amori.

Ma una cosa e certa,
rimarrete nei nostri cuori.

A La Musique (un tribut Rhimbaldien)

Fall Comes to Georgetown Prep (9662)
Originally uploaded by DCVoyager.

Brighton, Saturday 06/08/2005

Sauvé du tempo accéléré
et le rhytme brisé
de l'activité incessante
et renouvelée, derrière et devant,
des ruelles suggestives et pittoresques
mais densement peuplées.

Une oasis verte, rieuse et tranquille
où l'on peut s'entendre penser,
toutefois d'une manière biaisée
par faute du calme
dans lequel on est tombé.

Le vent accompagne un air
sans que l'on ne s'en rende compte tout-à-fait
sur le moment, car sa douceur, comme un parfum
est subtil et récomfortant.

Une fois identifié le son étranger
l'on se met à chercher sa source;
l'air le transporte de part et d'autre
sans se soucier de tous ces hôtes.

Le voila repéré, au milieu du jardin,
un saxophoniste insouciant,
qui joue librement, prend une pause
puis reprend son chant.

Clairement l'on remarque l'effet
que l'aria du troubadour a sur les passants
et enfin se poser sur l'herbe
avec cette musique qui permet
de rêver
sans que les yeux soient fermés.

Many discoveries and old things brought back to life

Sherwood Forest
Originally uploaded by publicenergy.

Rediscovering the things you like is always a pleasant experience, which can be accompanied by a little dose of regret. The reason for this is that it reminds you of the time wasted on doing so many other useless things while you could have been having the time of your life and being built up at the same time. Nature is so taken for granted. Getting in touch with nature is the most fulfilling phenomenon for me, but believing that it is going nowhere and there's always plenty of time to do that so other time, I end up always putting things before it, losing a part of me...

In the past four years I have not really been camping anymore overnight, but I finally have found a bunch of fellas who are up for the adventure and don't mind waking up with the possibility of having an ant crawling up their nose...

So this in a sense is the second installment to the stag night's adventure. Churchwood is the perfect spot for campfire, for fun and for sleeping in the open, we decided to go back there and that's what we did last night! Just the three of us, me, Pat (my new housemate, who rocks!) and Jimbo (my bandmate, who rocks!). The flora of the forest had grown back and overgrown in some places, making it slightly more difficult to get through but in the end we were victorious. The only person who had anything really to complain about was Patrik, who had thought it a good idea to wear sandals in the wild; thorned bushes' arguments left nothing to say but "OUCH!" and "Aah, that's not cool!", as they tore across his feet's skin. Patrik kept his cool anyway, as a strong Fin who has been in the army does and after much hacking and slashing, we ceremonially shook the plants off our walking sticks and sat down to rest in the place we call our home.
Building the fire was a fairly easy task, thanks to the mysterious people who have not been seen having piled up fantastic wood ages ago, which was good to go right onto our fire and to the big-ass matches I have, so within minutes, we had a roaring bonfire with gigantic logs on it too!

The discoveries were mainly in the food and drinks we had and Prosciutto Maremmano is definitely better after a nice roasting on the end of a skewer. I also found out that Koskenkorva is better to be drunk by the swig rather than the way you'd drink Limoncello, one sip at a time.

It was a time of sharing and fun and interestingly poetic texting, we ate, drank (rather abundantly) and listened to chilled music by the fire, really being brothers, talking about our thoughts and fears, problems and joys. God blessed us immensely with the weather and with the time spent together.

This next day, the thoughts are many and the yawns are too (the sun woke us up at 4:30 in the morning), but these (the thoughts, not the yawns) will have to wait for another blog, because of the yawns being too many, but let me challenge you with a question:

what does the word Church mean to you?...

art

Chromatic theme medieval Japanese art. Thanks to Stuart for the link!

Poverty... But not the real one

Different experience, new experience. I never expected it would be this way... Moving into a new life, completely different to the one lived in the past three years and the absolute opposite to what I had lived before!

Relative poverty is what we can call it. That's one of the phrases used in sociology and economics to discuss who is really poor and who is not. When you haven't got enough money to buy a new mobile phone every six months, buy CDs and DVDs every month, wear designer clothes and go partying every week, you are poor... Or are you? When one looks at the situation of poor people in the rest of the world, what we don't know, what we don't see, what we don't want to see, what we don't care about!... well, that's quite a different perception of life.

Right now, I don't know if I have enough to pay rent, I don't think I could make it to the end of the month by my own means, but you know what? I'm not living on my own means... Jehovah Jireh is the rock on which I stand, Yahweh Yeshouah is the hand that holds me firm. The Lord is my Provider and the Lord is my Saviour, He has shown it many times already in the past AND this week and the most amazing thing is the people that surround me and care for me...
I'll tell you what I've got. I've got a lovely home to go back to in the evening, I've got an amazing friend who lives with me and cares for me, I've had three meals a day every day this week (I think!), I've got the Church, which cares and supports me and I've got a purpose in life! Serving God by serving the Church and in it the Youth... Now that doesn't sound so poor to me! Even though I'm looking for a job (not much yet though, haven't had the time!), I have bill problems with the previous house in which I lived, my bike got a puncture as I was walking it to the office, all these things are meaningless compared with the amazing truth and hope I hold inside of me: Jesus Christ is my Saviour and He will not let me fall!

One week of this seems difficult, but the Lord brings stability and security. He himself will redeem His people. (Psalm 130:8)
I join in the psalmist in saying "Trust in the Lord", because if you can't trust in God, who can you trust in? And whilst other people you cannot trust, the Lord's promises are there and hold true. We hope in what we do not see, because what is not seen is eternal, while what we see is finite. A great example is seen in the writer of Hebrews who mentions the Fathers of Faith who held on to the promises of God in the Old Testament.

Life may seem bleak and hopeless if we are faithless, but when you know the Lord, everything makes sense. I was thinking the other day, "would it be better to have loads of money and no faith or no money at all but have faith?" For a moment I was tempted to choose the first one, even though I am not a very material guy (I hope) , but reasoning with the Holy Spirit, the answer could not be anything but faith, because once the money runs out, there is nothing left, however, faith does not run out if it is true, the faith in our Father, our King, the Lover of our Hearts; this faith makes us rejoice for He will never let us down and He always gives us what we need to get by, and even more.

Enough
Chris Tomlin

You are my supply, my breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward, worth living for
Still more awesome than I know

And all of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice of greatest price
Still more awesome than I know
You're my coming King, you are everything
Still more awesome than I know

And all of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

More than all I want, more than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know, more than all I can see
You are more than enough for me

unadulterated gibberish

I guess I don't have the time or wish to post everything that has been happening since I left the UK on the 24th May, because some things are just a bit too personal and some things a bit too boring. So, I will give a sort of summary of what's been happening, but I might just end up posting for pages (nice alliteration there). I am typing from a brand-spanking new computer assembled by a really good guy who is a friend of the family (he even gave me free cds!), but that's getting ahead of myself since this only happened yesterday, so you will understand my excitement!

So there I was, at Stansted airport, a month minus ten days ago going through the security check and a guy checks my phone with a swab similar to those in "Gattaca", then tests it through a computer (just like in the film, which is funny, because this gattaca stuff just came to mind twenty seconds ago!), then he let me go. I was clean. It was probably a test for drugs and I, being a good boy resulted negative. It won't always be like that though... I saw an article today on the newspaper (oh Joey, you read the newspaper?!) "Il Tirreno", which is the newspaper of the west coast of Italy (represent!), which talked about people with specific illnesses being inoculated (no, I didn't find it in the article OR in a dictionary!) with a microchip which would calculate their blood pressure and other things AS WELL AS contact the patient's hospital in case of danger. Now that's all very well for the progress of science, but it just reminds us of the advances in technology and looking at the world and at the Bible, we can see how the devil uses technology and will use it more and more, since through it one can achieve the most worrying levels of control ever achieved in history. It is widely believed (or so I think) that the mark of the beast spoken of in Revelation (L'Apocalypse for those frenchies reading) will be some form of microchip installed inside of people, thus succeeding to reach total control of the population, while those who refuse to have it installed will be persecuted and/or terminated. Even those new British Identity Cards freak me out.

Back to base camp, let's say I had a short rant, that's what this post might end up being: "Joey's thoughts on... Everything!" At this point, I'm sure some of you have decided to move on to Pat's or Jeanne's blog, and are thinking "Joey, you rambling lunatic, I thought you were a concise writer!" and my answer to you is this... Only in essays!

Ok, let's give the facts, funny and freaky! The coach driver for London at 15h50 on Monday 23rd May was "gay" as James would say, as he backed out of his bay in the coach station. I waved at him and mouthed "can you let me in?" He looked at me with the expression of a "stone-man" and shook his stone-head which at that point I would have loved to punch and brandish in front of everyone like Perseus with Medusa's head and everyone would have applauded and praised me for freeing the world from frustrated and unfulfilled coach drivers. That did not happen. I went back to Jimbo's Barry, he was lovely enough to wait with me until the next coach's hour of arrival. I thought, "I never have anyone waiting with me at the bus station, how nice!". The coach did not arrive. Jimbo's parking ticket time ended and he had to go, then I waited another 40 minutes. Then I thought "oh well, at least it's not any longer than usual!". The coach driver even dared to have an attitude about his lateness. Thus Jimbo's verdict was that all coach drivers are "gay". Too bad for them.

The first thing you feel in Italy, arriving from the UK, is the humidity which blends in with the heat in a very sticky and sweaty mess, but usually you don't expect that effect to hit you until the summer, mid-June at most. Apparently that wasn't soon enough though. Anyway, it is lovely hot here and sometimes it can be too much but I am tanning, which is pretty cool, I have to make up for the extended period I spend every year in Britannia, my skin turning green. As much as the reptile-like ninja capacities I might be able to develop from that side-effect of rubbish weather are desirable for my future job as a contract assassin, I fear the dark skies of winter might actually totally deteriorate my skin cells until making me look something close to Spock, or say Micheal Jackson, bless him he's a free man apparently, poor chap. I'd rather not. The sun here is much more inviting.

A retreat with your parents is never a retreat. When you're living on your own, you have so much time on your hands you don't know what to do with it and proceed to take a period or two a day of lamenting yourself on your loneliness. When you are a now independent (except for financially) and growing in maturity person, staying with your parents, the opposite happens, in which you wonder whether you will ever have a moment alone...
So far I have been to all the places of the past, except for Rome, where my sister lives. The first week we drove up to Lago Maggiore to clean up the apartment and see some cousins, the second week my mum went off to Denmark for my cousin's wedding, while me and dad drove up to Argenta, my dad's hometown, where I saw uncle and auntie, friends and cousins. Got back in touch with my family, which is nice, and got in touch with the modernised home town, which I do not mind at all now! I'd love to go back soon, the landscape of the Po plain is absolutely gorgeous. I must say I really prefer it to the kind of vegetation we get here by the sea, I'm much more of a mountain/countryside guy, than a sea guy. Sure it's beautiful, but it does not speak to me the way mountain and countyside do, the fresh air, the scents, the atmosphere.

I have been writing a lot since I am here, except in the past week. But now here I am, writing more that you can bear. That previous post of Jim's stag night is only a part of what my mind and my writing hand have been up to.

So finally we got this gorgeous piece of hardware and software and now I can also scan pictures because our friends purchased as a present a printer/photocopier/scanner all in a beautiful Epson box! I'll see what it can do and you might see some pictures soon.

Unadulterated gibberish by J.T. Noels, thank you very much. Peace out!

The night of the stag

Domenica, 29/05/2005

The night of the stag

Account of the 20-21/05/2005 Adventure of the brave lads


The journey started from our well-known place of meeting, at the edge of Canterbury. There we met and prepared for what was ahead of us, all our equipment and food; we tore sackcloth into garments for us to wear, in order not to be noticed as any more than poor travellers, but memorised a password that only we would understand (“Marriage Ahoy!”). The long and arduous walk started around the seventh hour after noon, slightly later than planned, due to the difficulty found by some in being punctual.
Leaving Canterbury through a secret passage in the bushes, we went up and down hills on a rarely trodden path. For a short stretch the band of brothers walked through the village of Rough Common and their walk then brought itself onto the road which goes through Blean Woods. This lonely road was very long and it seemed as though the track would never end. I felt the need to move off it as soon as possible, preferring to face the dangers of the woods rather than the uncertain perils of meeting enemies on the road, which might have jeopardized our quest. Halfway through the that walk, Michael left us, saying he would catch up with us later, but we doubted whether we would ever see him again.
Andrew (McPoo) finally decided it was time for us to get off the road, much to my delight, sensing the danger of staying on was indeed great. The place where we left the path was not easily going to leave marks of our passage.
We got into the thick of the woods immediately, this was already quite deep in the woods, we had crossed many parts of the woods as we walked on the road. The trees were very low and spread over the floor of the woods were purple flowers. This enchanting sight lasted for a while, then we started following the river. We had to keep crouching, moving branches, jumping over the river, while staying together. What followed was a series of places where logs on the floor were wet and weak and crumbled under our weight almost getting us stuck in the ground at times. This forest was old, some trees were entwined together, something mystic about it made my heart beat faster.
The excitement of the journey was increasing in my heart as we went, while the morale of some of the brave’uns was getting lower. As we arrived at the end of that thick part of the woods, the river took a turn and passed in front of us. We needed to get to the other side where the sky reappeared. There was only high grass and bush for a while, then the scene cleared…
In front of us, was an astounding scene. The trees were tall. The ground was soft. A lake on the left, with an island in its center, moon above. We were at the heart of the forest and it was beautiful. Elves must have lived there until some hundred years ago, but it was a place no one had seen. We were ready to set up camp and let the trials begin.
This adventure was the result of young Jim being called out into the wild in order to receive the bestowing of his masculinity - in the light of his wedding to Becca (-Roo) coming up soon – which our society had been slowly robbing us of. We, his friends, had decided we would go through the same trials, understanding this danger concerned us all. Jim knew he had to go and we knew we had to follow him.
The trials involved hunting with bow and arrow to feed ourselves, axe (boot) throwing, for many important reasons which I cannot think of right now. The power inside of us was being unleashed, the heavenly power given unto us by God himself and indeed it was being unleashed from within Jim, who had to battle us all at once, and overcame. The final trial made us climb a cliff and jump into emptiness across a gorge, hanging from a rope (zip-line). After that, we believed the challenges were finished and that we could let our guard down. Two us the group, Aaron and Ife, left us then.
At that time, the sun went down. Out of the darkness came an experienced warrior, he had managed to track us down with the intention to kill Jim, vanquish him, in order to remove the greatest obstacle to him getting Jim’s future wife Becca and taking her to with him back to Japan. The great skill of the warrior in unarmed combat and twin (towel) nunchaku was ultimately no match for Jim’s passion for Becca. In a final attempt to execute a deadly attack, Jim saw the assassin’s weak spot and slew him (with his towel). The warrior vanished and at that moment, the bestowing of masculinity came upon us, in the form of a talking stag carrying a cauldron of mulled wine in between his antlers. He congratulated Jim for his victory and told him he was indeed worthy of marrying Becca, then invited us to drink the mulled wine. Once each of us had drunk from the cup, we were in complete harmony with nature and the stag had left us.
We went back to camp and fellowshipped with each other and nature, drinking and dining around the fire, while we sang joyful songs and puffed on cigars. Eventually, it was time to go to our other home; we packed up and left that place, resolving to see it again one day soon. The walk back through the wood was of joy and contemplation, and laughter for some, through the utter darkness of the night and the woods, but with the moon and stars shining down on us as we went.
As we arrived back into civilization, the people who crossed us were speechless, as we were beaming with the joy of the Lord, knowing we were right then what we were meant to be.

Projectvm Poesiam

So, to start with posting my little creations, I think I should post the old stuff I have not really done anything about until now.
This first poem was actually the ideas I threw on paper to write a proper nice and big poem, then I forgot about it, and came across it in some bunch of papers a while back, looked at it and thought it actually looked great like that, no need to change it, the moment had gone, but it was still very nice:

February 2004

A Ray of Sun cuts my page
Today the Sky is free
Winter blossom amongst the dead
An Arrow shoots across the sky,
piercing target through target,
gaining momentum rather than relenting
marking its way like a pen marks its path
across the full emptiness of this deep,
until it reaches the edge of the firmament
and dissapears in this endless world above us...

There it is, I like it, it just describes the way I interpreted with my imagination what I saw that day. That arrow was just a plane, but I could see it with my child's eye and I loved it that way.

Since end December I've gotten through a whole notebook of random stuff I've written, and more than half a notebook of my Canterbury Tale. I have also started on a new one, AND have started using the guitar tab notebook my mum got me a while back to write music into. I used to count the things I write, now I don't anymore and that's great, because it shows me I am completely into it, still not as much as I would like and still not as good as I would like, but getting there (need to read more for that one). Keeping a blog is being creative too, I don't know if you've tried, but it really spurs me on to write more and if you look at some of the stuff I have written in here you'll see what I mean. This is post number 23, contrary to what my user stats say about me! I would like to try and link my long writings to the blog for people to read them and feed back on them, that'd be very cool.
I still have things on my january list of things to write which I have not written, which is frustrating at times, because I start thinking about them and get ideas which then just get blown in the wind when I get distracted from them!... This should be a month of writing, if I can get some time on my own... Hopefully my stupid computer at home will respond to Blogger... before it crashes.

I guess what I want to do is encourage people to use their gifts. Some of the youth I work with have such a low self-esteem, because that's way they are told they should have, at school, from their teachers, schoolmates and their parents too! They do not realise they have great gifting some times. I did not either, I have been lied to and had forgotten that I used to write as a child, I only snapped out of that recently. I want to encourage my youth to do things they like, but they also need to know what there is to do out there, that's why next term I want the Christian Performing Arts Society from University to come down to our meeting and do some hip-hop dancing, some gospel choir and whatever else they do in order to inspire the youth as to what they would like to do.

I have rambled on for long enough, peace out, follow your hearts.

Taking hold of life

... Not sure what to say really! My degree is over and I am a free, penniless man! It is the most amazing feeling in the world, I am free and I am completely relying on God, I'm a king!

Been finally able to write music after so long, one song and a very cool riff which will be the base for a funky rap-metal tune, very Tom Morello-like, it's really exciting. Hopefully next year I'll be able to gig a lot with the band, we just want to make music and play it, having fun and expressing ourselves at the same time. It is such a blessing from God to be able to do that.

I will also have the time to finally pick up from where I left off with all my writing projects, stories, poetry, songs, et caetera. I have so many ideas coming up in my head and so many things I need to finish, my head might just burst. I wish there were an easier way to complete my works, but there obviously is not... The thing is, writing is amazing. You can't know until you try it, it is a bit like spending time with God, you're like "Oh man, I really don't want to do this", then when you get started you remember how beautiful it is, what a feeling it gives you, how fulfilled you feel. Of course, I relate my writing to God, for me, writing is part of spending time with God, I'm being creative with Him alongside me, inspiring me and encouraging me, I am so blessed by it, it is unbelievable! I believe creativity alive in you is one of the things that bring a person to life! Getting in tune with one's artistic side, that is just so amazing and God works through you in that way.

It takes discipline though... If you wait to be inspired you'll be waiting for a long time, instead, you must go out and get in touch with the things that inspire you! Keep your senses alert, it might just be a whisper from God, a sound you hear, a scene you see or a fleeting glimpse you catch, an aroma you smell, a flavour you taste, anything can just fill you with a sense of "I need to do something right now or else I'm going to explode!!". To quote the film American Beauty: "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it... and my heart is going to cave in." There are moments when that is exactly true...

I was cycling back from church this morning and I looked around... All around me, at a 360 degree angle, there were fields, hills, woods, the sky was blue but slightly darkened by clouds as well as brightened by the sun. The whole scene was still. Completely still! It seemed as though someone had taken a painting and placed it within the firmament, it was really strange, and in a strange way inspiring, something inside of me was reached, if I took that something and used it I could write and write and write... It doesn't take a life shattering experience to be inspired, though a whisper can be life-shattering, it just takes person to invite the Holy Spirit to show them how amazing God is and He will do that through the infinity of things God can do... Writing is a beautiful thing, creating is a beautiful thing. Even if no-one likes what you do, no-one is touched, you will have been touched, you will have been affected. Even if no-one is going to like my song, I'm quite pleased with it, I think it's a good song!

This is the end of my permanence in Crossways 18, CT2 7BS. I moved all my stuff out yesterday, and tomorrow will be moving my butt out as well, if anyone wants to know my address, e-mail me. It was quite strange having to empty my room and move stuff into storage, then sleeping in an empty place, with my sleeping bag. This marks the end of an era... The undergraduate student era. I have hated my degree, but have been so blessed by my life in Canterbury and to be able to stay here another year is such a fantastic blessing. My new house is beautiful and you are more than welcome to come and stay if you feel like a holiday in beautiful Canterbury. No longer a student, I am going to be so much freer than ever before, and as a church worker I'm going to have the time of my life, getting behind the youth in their growth and spiritual maturing, it is a privilege to be a part of their lives and a part of the team working for the church! This year holds so much I can't even imagine and will be without a doubt the year I will grow more than I ever have in the past. Hoping to get a part-time job in linguistics, we'll see how it goes and then God will speak to me about what he wants for the future... I have faith in that. I have to, I have seen with my eyes the work of the Lord, in my life and in other peoples' lives. I got through my dissertation and exams only by the grace of God and soon I will be completely relying on God financially for next year! So I guess we'll just see how many miracles Jesus will perform, sorry if I don't count them, I've already received many!

Off tomorrow for Italy, to see my parents and sister for a few weeks, any of you are welcome to come along, just e-mail me and get a Stansted-Pisa flight ;)

Enjoy the summer, I am already!

A time to vote and a time to abstain...

DISCLAIMER: This post does not in any way make reference to anyone and it is not trying to make you do or believe anything, it is purely a series of reflections on certain things which have made me reflect, so do not get offended.


In the light of recent political election campaigning and voting booth antics, I feel the need to express my views in a slightly more serious vein than my friend Patrik. The Legalise Cannabis Alliance with its fancy manifesto clearly typed out by a many times over shot-up pot-head as funny as it may be was not, as was predictable, of any actual relevance in the electoral outcome, thank God! I also got a manifesto through the door about an independent participant in council elections who wanted to segregate anti-social families to an area of town and ban "gansta rap" from jukeboxes... What are we, in a fascist regime?!! I ended up burning in my garden the manifesto of an unnamed nationalist party who clearly doesn't like anyone other than pure-breed Brits!

Much has been said about this election, but for a guy who looks into a church and asks "What party do Christians vote for?" there is little chance of him getting an answer. And this is where I get a little... annoyed... angry? There is obviously no major party representing Christians, which is quite a good thing I think, since I don't believe Christians should be too involved in games of power, but I do believe that it is a serious thing to go and vote, using your right to vote... A person who decides to use his right NOT to vote replace it with the one of sitting on the couch has clearly not really understood much about life. I felt like a rat, walking around campus not being able to vote on the 05/05/05 because of my lack of registration!
The thing that irritates me is in seeing a mixture of hypocrisy and ignorance coming out of the mouths of children of God. When we take our stand and say "I'm going to vote for the party which is against abortion, against homosexuality and against weed!" we are making the rashest decision ever! Also, when we work in the community for a week to try and help families sort out their gardens and their lives, then vote for the party which is encouraging the maintaining of social disparities, there is clearly something wrong. There is something wrong in the way we are thinking and there is something missing in our reasoning.

Sure I'm against abortion, homosexuality and weed, but is that what Christians are about? Are we not forgetting that we are under the covenant of grace and we should be extending love to the lost? Don't get me wrong here, I'm NOT saying we encourage those things, but I am thinking about whether we are building our decisions on legalism rather than love. We can also learn that what is repressed tends to grow with further strength, just as Christianity does in oppressive nations, that is why Paul said "everything is permissible, but not everything is good!", to show us that the law just makes people want to sin more!
What's more, I just don't see the sense in acting out of love and outreach, then voting for a person who will build up barriers against poor countries and their people, then raise up taxes for the poor and lower them for the rich.

... I'm not saying there is a party to vote for (especially in this completely bogus British selection of parties), I just want to challenge the thinking of some people as to what are their motives when they tick the box. If they believe they are in Christ, then that's great, I myself have to question my own motives, since I am as biased and misinformed as anyone, though I like to think I'm not... ;)

You crash into me

Have you ever heard a song so powerful and sensitive it could make you cry? I haven't had that experience in a while, especially since I haven't had the time to appreciate music lately. That's when you know something's wrong, when you can't spend some time and do the things you really like, have you forgotten what it's like to live? As opposed to that, living life fully is when you can sense the things that make you shiver, make your heart beat faster... everytime.

"The four right chords can make me cry"

There's a right moment to quote Third Eye Blind. This reminds me of something I have just seen lately, in a film called Good Will Hunting. Now those of you who are movie connaisseurs know it was the talk of the moment when it came out a few years ago. It took me a while before I saw it, then again, I notice as I grow and learn things about life and spirituality that when I watch films again after having seen them as a child or teenager, I perceive things about them which I did not in the time, years back. I saw this film a few years ago and yet I did not understand it talks about the truth of the life of every man in some form. It talks about life powerfully, reaches a level of spiritual perception without even touching the heavenly, it's impressive. There's a lot in it about dealing with the wounds and healing of the heart, in fact John Eldredge quotes a very powerful part of the film in Wild at Heart, a part which had me in tears watching the film.

There's another part in the film which is also very powerful, it is Robin Williams' monologue, and he does it well! But the screenplay, wow, it's completely... Outrageous! There's no words really, that is why here it is, read it carefully, get the flavour of it.

SEAN I thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting.
WILL Eah?
SEAN Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me, I fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and I haven't thought about you since. You know what occurred to me?
WILL No.
SEAN You're just a kid. You don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about.
WILL Why thank you.
SEAN It's all right. You've never been out of Boston.
WILL Nope.
SEAN So, if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written.
Michelangelo. You know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientation, the whole works, right? But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seen that.... If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. I ask you about war, you'd probably uh...throw Shakespeare at me, right?
"Once more into the breach, dear friends."
But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, and watched him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I ask you about love, y'probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable...known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you..who could rescue you from the depths of Hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, and to have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleepin' sittin' up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms visiting hours don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you: I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius, Will. No one denies that. no one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine and ripped my fuckin' life apart. You're an orphan, right? Do you think I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don't give a shit about that, because you know what? I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you wanna talk about you, who you are. And I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't wanna do that, do you, sport? You're terrified of what you might say.

Yeah, it's a bit long. But it's so beautiful... It really talks about the heart of man and it talks about being vulnerable and open to what can affect your emotions, your sensations, your soul.
It just makes me think, are you brave enough to risk living to the full, with all that it encompasses? Am I brave enough?... I think the choice doesn't take a huge amount of courage, but living it out does.
I see people who don't show any emotions, don't show any part of themselves; they put up their front, for one reason or another... When I see that, I'm so perplexed. The thought that comes to mind is: "Are you a real person? Who ARE you?" So many people do it, man I feel like I don't want to have anything to do with them. Men just talking about girls and drinking and stupid jokes, man I've seen that, show me something new. Anger bursts, defense barriers against one's style of life, emotional xenophobia. Those men want to appear tough, strong, unaffected, the thruth is they are hurt and that is the most cowardly thing to do. Melt into the crowd, be like everyone else, don't open up to anyone, for it is too dangerous.
The real danger is in living life like that, because before you know it, you're spiritually dead, a shell of a man, no more dreams, no more scope, just routine, sad life until finalised decay of the body. With that wisdom of the ages will come bitterness and regret. To go through life and be able to say, "I have no major regrets", will be a real achievement.
I want an encounter with life, a struggle, a race, be a wave crashing into the rocks on the beach.

And the song that did that for me today is a soft, sweet, tender, sensitive, suggestive tune, sung by Mr. Matthews, (I'll never be able to thank James Dacosta enough for being who he is and introducing me to the DMB) called Crash. Just hearing the chords being played round once makes my eyes water. It is a gorgeous song of love and sexuality, the care and the tenderness in it just makes me cry... To think God created music and what it can do to you and then to think about the way it has been cheapened, similarly to what Sean says in the film, people can know what music is, but man, have you ever been touched by the way that guy felt when he was writing this song, have you ever felt your heart well up when you were playing a tune on your own instrument, even if it was just on a random jam?

Take this away with you: are you brave enough to be vulnerable to life? A hint, knowing Jesus helps, you will be able to appreciate life so much better when you know that it has been rescued from hell, bought at a price so you could live...

Let's wake the dead!

Blogging is fun, but being away from a functional computer and internet for a long time is revelatory of many things, particularly how much more fun it is to write with pen and paper. Today is gorgeous and my shades are cool, it's good to walk around with the fresh air and all... I've been writing loads, still not as much as I would like, but it's great, I love it, I wish I could do this for the rest of my life!
My life will start fully when I'm done doing his horrible degree. I am going to be doing full time youth work and surviving by my own means and the Lord's grace. Finally doing something I enjoy 24 hours a day!

"The Glory of God is Man fully alive" St Iranaeus

That is what God chose, otherwise He would not have sent Jesus to the cross. I want to live life to the full and do all the things I want to do that are good for me. No longer will I do things out of the feeling that I need to please someone else. My quest for reality in myself continues. It is not easy, as I am inconsistent at times with my true self, but I seek to find consistency in my life towards who I really am and who I want to be!

Sorry for not making sense... It is a tough world sometimes, but I want to be stronger than it.

"Hey you, the kid is back and I must declare that the sun is shining" DC Talk

Poetry on a stick

Cycling is great, it gets your muscles moving, even strained, it takes you places quicker, it's always an enjoyable experience, even in the rain. Last week I went back to a place I absolutely love; it's at the edge of Canterbury, overlooking it all (or almost all), two huge fields, one next to the other, having inspired me many a time.
I felt it was appropriate to pick up my pen and let it touch paper.

Saturday, 26/03/2005

Last time I was here I had forgotten
how to write.
Questo paesaggio ispiratorio di storie e di poesie.
En ecrire un seul serait ne pas entendre.
So as verve and joy pours out of every pore of my body,
Posero la mia penna ed ascoltero,
Et je me fonderais dans cet instant duratoire.
Arigato... Gomennasai.

Dopo aver scritto questo pezzo, ho infatti posato la mia penna, ma dopo pochi minuti non ce la facevo.
J'avais fait quelquechose de nouveau, de la poesie courte et en ecrire seulement une aurait vraiment ete ne pas entendre tout ce qu'il y avait a entendre!
So...

26/03/2005

Have you ever tried writing
Short poetry?
It's not a bad idea.

26/03/2005

Row of trees,
less thick
in between natural woods.
As people walk through you romantically,
I see you from a hill many miles afar.
On the edge of the horizon,
What is there beyond?
Powerful in a strange way.
Gorgeous thing I never expected.
Maybe I'll visit you some day.

26/03/2005

Multivarious landscape.
On the edge of modern and progressivist "reality".
In your own corner of universe.
Medieval alive, lookout for the people,
turned towards the west.
Watch yourself at the eastern border,
where technological evil lies.

You really have to go there to see this stuff for yourself!!! It's a mindblowing set of mixed things, never see all of it the same day or the same way on a different day! Worth it... Word.

the role of a writer

You can tell someone is dry when they stop writing... I have been so busy lately, I have not been able to think about writing at all! I have recently been inspired to start writing again though, thanks to my old mate Andrew, the man who sparks my desire to compose rhetoric. And that is the role of the writer! To inspire, to arouse the imagination and the passion of the people who are around him. I want to inspire other people into expressing themselves, I know a few people who have been inspired! That is such a reward, someone telling you, "Hey, your writing has really inspired me to write!". Then you discover their writing talent and you feel small! I also want to inspire people into searching God and getting to know Him (the best thing someone can do with his/her life!). I know that some people are being inspired by that but, I don't exactly know how many, who and how! I hope that I will increasingly be inspiring more people to follow Jesus Christ. That is just down to me obeying God, though: Yesterday I started the "Young men's breakfast discipleship group" let's call it that for the moment, I like that name, but we won't always be having breakfast, what's more someone had objections to the "Young men" bit, associating it to the Village People's classic "Young man, you don't have to be sad, I say young man!", let's not dwell on that for too long! It went fantastically well, I prepared a huge breakfast at Geoff's house for these five fifteen to eighteen year old boys, plus Geoff and I. The aim of this first meeting was to challenge them as to knowing their identity in Christ and living holy lives in their schools. The aim of the group is for the boys to grow to further spiritual maturity and to grow closer as a band of brothers in Christ! We want them to know we are always available for them, to spend time with them when things are hard, we know what it is like to be Christians at school, we took so much crap for it! But this group is not a place where I will preach to them. I want them to discuss, to make their minds up about things, to make their way towards maturity, in the end all I can do is give them some direction.
It's weird, I felt like my my older brother (in law) yesterday and I'm getting that feeling right now, that is good though, I am moving towards excited full time ministry!

I have so many things I want to write about, as well as so many writing projects started/to be finished and then there is coursework! Not much left of that, thank God, but still quite a bit to think about! I have been writing a few songs lately, when I have been able to pick up my guitar... First gig almost booked, 7th of May we might have a twenty minute set at Local Hero Records, Canterbury! We'll be doing some Deftones, Blindside, our own stuff hopefully and some ska if possible! More surprises to be discovered! We hope to play at Keynestock too next term (lame name for our university battle of the bands!), probably doing the same set, maybe altering it a little for the fun of it and for the people who will see us at both... These are going to be the first real rock gigs EVER as a member of my own band!!!!! I am so excited I could shout! But I'm in the computer room of the library and that would not be appropriate, so I won't.

I'll try and post a bit more this month, I've picked up notebook and pen (and keyboard!) by the way, for those of you who did not realise, so I am writing again and hopefully getting something nice down on paper! Ciao!

lyrics from someone else

Nara

Hennes hjärta slog hårdare för varje sekund
Skalet höll emot som aldrig förut
En vägran till var allt detta har sin grund
Skalet höll emot men stora bucklor buktar ut

Inte nu, kanske senare och aldrig förut
Som en blomma som aldrig slagit ut
Om en längtan som aldrig fött ett beslut
Om en längtan som aldrig tagit slut

Med fötterna så långt under markytan
Och ändå bärare av ett rotlöst hjärta
För svårt att ta sig upp och ändå veta
Att skönhet kommer ur smärta

Och jag önskar jag kunde dra dig upp därifrån
Men ingen annan utom den ende kan
Och jag önskar jag kunde dra dig upp därifrån
Min tunga kan aldrig klä i ord att min låga är sann

Och jag ska aldrig mer vara rädd att visa mig vek
Aldrig mer med hot försöka bevisa min kärlek

Så låt dig träffas i hjärtat låt det blöda
Om jag kunde skulle jag ta tillbaks de ord som var döda
Om hans liv fick bli din föda
Om ditt hjärta fick blöda
Försök inte vinna tid
För jag ser ingenting av den varan
Trots att jag kommer att stå kvar där jag är

Vilket val du än tar
Står jag kvar

Möt mig vid fridsfurstens fötter
Jag har ingenting utom det som är mina rötter
Möt mig på knä framför hans fötter

Close

Her heart was beating harder for every second
The shell was holding up like never before
A refusal to where all this has it's foundation
The shell hold up, but big dents bulge

Not now, maybe later and never before
Like a flower that never blossomed
About a longing that never given birth to a decision
About a longing that never ended

With the feet so far below the ground surface
And yet carrier of a rootless heart
Too hard to get up and still knowing
That beauty comes out of pain

And I wish I could pull you up from there
But no one else than The Only One can
And I wish I could pull you up from there
My tongue can never dress in words that my flame is true

And I shall never again be afraid of showing my weak self
Never again with threat try to prove my love

So let yourself get hit in the heart, let it bleed
If I could I would take back the words that were dead
If you could be fed through His life
If your heart would bleed
Whatever choice you make
I remain
Meet me at the feet of the Prince of Peace
I have nothing except what are my roots
Meet me on your knees before His feet

A Poem on request

The problem with blogging the day after having published a new post is that I'm afraid people will only read the latest one and not look further down, when I actually wrote something yesterday which I would like everyone to read. I wish I knew when people went on my blog, but didn't quite understand how to put a counter on the site, but hey! The important thing is that I am writing!
Today I got a text from Wit: "Hi Joey Poo, I'm a bit short of material for Passion magazine. Any chance you could e-mail me a love poem today?"... Wait a second, is she asking ME to provide a love poem for the magazine (It being Valentine's Day coming up soon, a time of year which I actually despise, not just because I have been single every valentine's day of my life but also because it is a pagan excuse for guys not to be loving and galant to their woman all the other 364 1/4 days of the year!)? Right now? Can I do that? What a question, of course I will!!! I have never written stuff like this on demand, and would die before I saw my art sell out into some cheap poetry but it's quite amazing when people start requesting your stuff like that! The is, it's all gotta be from the heart. So I went to work writing a poem. I normally write when I am inspired, but this time I had to be inspired to have writing material. The stuff I write isn't in rhymes and sonnets or whatever is conventional, but I felt I should try and write something people could relate to, still making it non-cheesy and genuine. Now, what inspires me?... Who inspires me?! Using my muse I wrote a draft of a poem about her, then typed it out and re-reading it each time brought corrections to it, finalising it into a 14 syllable per verse poem with rhymes, except towards the end, where I put a stanza of randomness, my usual stylee! Here it is for your reading pleasure. Make sure you read yesterday's post too though!...

08/02/2005

You don’t know, God blesses me

It’s not the way you smiled at me when I first caught your eye,
It’s not the way you moved and talked that made me trip on wire.
The interest I had in your excited expressive moods
Was blown up by your vocal strings, which make you now my muse.

Now I notice all about you
Every time I see you.
The way you dress, faces you make
Make me appreciate you.

And God just makes me wonder,
Why would He awaken,
The things that for so long
To put asleep in me had taken?

In you I see some colours
Which I’ve never seen before.
You’re special and you’re crazy,
But you’ve got oh, so much more.

So many things of yours
Leave me curious and charmed.
I cannot make sense of them
I just look up and think “Hmm…?”

Dark hair, gorgeous eyes,
Voice of an Angel
Whether speaking or singing
Walk by and I am caught in your movement
That’s what it’s like being near you.

God, He can be so random,
But beautiful for that.
I’ll seek you out and fail,
Then cross you just like that.

When the Lord comes in my mind
Everything falls into place.
Everything He does
Makes me smile and know his Grace.

Well it’s by Him that I can have
These absurd feelings for you.
And by His Grace that I could share
This morning dawn beside you.

The End. (It doesn't actually say the end at the end!)

Music in the house

Aah, February! The time when snow is at its best in Switzerland and France, smooth and full of character! Too bad I'm not there riding it, but here in the library computer room, writing about it! No today is a good day, the sun is shining quite beautifully and the sky is blue without a single shade of cloud as far as I can see! It's rare not to have to wear a coat on at this time of year, but I am walking with only a hoodie (that's a jumper with a hood for those of you who are learning english) and my cool sunglasses which do not look in the least pretentious! My cd player is bust so I can't listen to the array of great music I have at my disposal: Verdi, Tchaikovskij, Village People, Phatfish... I have been listening to an album recently which is really quite fantastic. It's an EP, so just a short demo with four tracks on it, but the quality of the songs is just astounding. They are all acoustic songs with lovely harmonies and lyrics, really pretty, poured out of the heart of a twenty year-old young lady! I can take personal pride in plugging this album even though unauthorised to do so by the author, as the word intends to indicate, but I advise you all to get a copy of it. It is entitled: "Imperfect and raw, but myself" and the artist is a certain Jeanne Ruegg. She is my sister and therefore you might say I am biased in my critique of her album, and you may be right! BUT, everutime I have had people over and made them listen to it their feedback has been very positive, so I think I can definitely say that this album is a beautiful cooking pot of passion and poetry, no kidding!
I gotago to a lecture now, but if you happen to meet Jeanne, ask her about her cd, and please don't make her use up all her cds, she's been too generous up until now!! Ciao!

A Voice Was Heard

... God does not change.
... We need to.

Losing your sense of security to God is what I wrote of last time. Your sense of comfort, God will shake you from it, because before we meet wih God we are all slaves to sin and Jesus sets us free. But even though I gave my life to Him many years ago, there are still many things I need to let go of. Part of becoming an adult is learning to make responsible choices, to start living entirely independently. Having been financially dependent all my life, never having had a real job except for youth work and a bit of manual labour, I find myself in a quite difficult position when it comes to making that choice. There are of course, other factors which hinder me, not having a stable base anywhere in the world. I would not mind to keep studying, but I have to change my area of study, move on into something which I can appreciate more, even though economics is fascinating in some parts. The thing is, I don't know what I want to study for the moment, but I do know one thing.

Last week-end, five youth workers went from Canterbury to Sherwood Forest (yes, Robin Hood's woods!). In that place was held a conference on Christian Youth Work hosted by Newfrontiers. Over 400 other youth workers were there, easily. They didn't learn the five steps to becoming a better youth worker, nor the formula for increasing the numbers in their youth groups. Their attention was brought to the focus of their work, which is very often the way youth work starts out, then is lost to a prioritisation of other goals. This focus is Jesus. I don't know if all who read this will understand, so I will explain: the size of the youth group one is leading does not matter; its level of "coolness" does not matter; what matters is that what we are bringing into the meetings is Jesus; how do we do that? By preaching the gospel. The other things will follow; we could have the best venue for fun events and have a hundred teenagers coming to these meetings, but if we do not teach Jesus, our work means nothing. We're just another party on earth. You see, when our perspective is redirected towards God's, success is not attained by having the coolest youth group in town, nor the biggest, success is appearing before the throne of God and Him saying, at the end of our life "Well done, my good and faithful servant!".

I was one of those five youth workers, and not only did we receive awesome teaching on the gospel, God spoke to each of us individually. One thing I was reminded of, is that I don't need to make that choice of what to do next year. God has already done it for me, but what I need to do is to submit once again to God, submit all, leaving my sense of security, my fear of not being able to sustain myself and failing. There was a reason for me being at that conference and there is a reason why the Lord made His presence felt so much (and He did, oh He did!). I could have gone there and remain unchanged, but I was not unchanged, I was shaken.

... If God asks me to work with the Church for the rest of my life, I am willing to do that... It would not even be a big sacrifice! It would be the best adventure I could ever have! But I WILL live a life of sacrifice for Him, no one can stop me from doing that... Because I love Him. But also, because I know He loves me far more... He is building me up to be a man, and He will never let me fall!

I wish you all a good life, I don't know what mine holds, but I know it' s in the most capable
hands there are...

"Now faith is being SURE of what we hope for and CERTAIN of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

Falling purposefully...!

Needless to say, after that I have had a good week (see previous post, in fact, see all posts!)...

This is a sort of adding on to an even older post, but not that old, in fact the previous post I just wrote five minutes ago, right, Joey, write like a writer, not like a punk! So... I wanted to edit "Sinusoidal Heart Patterns", but I thought no one would notice, so I will write a new post... I do believe that this is a theme going through much of what I write anyway, eventually I will give a definition of what it means!

Job. Relationship. Position in society. Degree. Going the right way. There's more in this direction. Fulfilled? Are these things not just there to keep you busy from thinking about the splinter in your toe? You think that the way of success will quench this desire for more, yet the closer you get, the more you realise your thirst is not being quenched. Something is wrong... Make the right gamble and get rocketed to the top. The Problem is that at the top, you are limited. There's no place higher to go. The only way is downhill from there. And downhill it is... Drugs, alcohol, sex, oh take me into the realms of decadence. Boredom of life, make it sweeter for me.
We are not perfect, the people around us are not perfect, one way or another in your life you have been harmed. You try to forget about it and build your life. Sense of security is the most important to people in this society. What happens when on your trip you trip? Lose your balance, fall down the stairs, it hurts.

23Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?” Luke 9:23-25

This is the punchline. Living for ourselves is useless. We will die and not be remembered. If you try and save yourself in all the ways you can, you will be left alone, sad, angry, miserable... Why would you hoard up as many riches and as much success as you can to then find yourself the richest person in the graveyard? Sooner or later, the ground behind your feet will be missing. How about going against the norm, accepting this and taking a fall. Losing your sense of security could be the best thing you ever do, you're going to fall, fall, fall... And then you will be caught.
Into the arms of the Lord Jesus Christ. This is the answer to the question. This is without a doubt, the life you've always wanted. Think about it...

The Lord will restore his people...

Feeling creative...

Well, I walked into the chapel last week, because I wanted to pray, it is never easy getting back together with God.
When you have not connected with Him in a while you suddenly feel, when you're trying to pray, that you don't know Him that well anymore, you feel distant. That is the worst feeling... You feel you've blown it, that the greatest thing you had, that kept you going is now gone. The truth is, no matter how many times I've blown it, I have always been able to reconnect with God, it just takes a little perseverance! The Lord will not turn his back on you, it's not in His nature. He COULD never, even if He wanted to, it's not in his promises. But He can make you feel bad, to make you realise your life is meaningless without Him, because that's what it is!
Upon entering eliot chapel, I saw a Bible open on the table near the window. I dumped my bag in a corner and walked over to it. The first thing I saw on the open page of this spiritual magnet that is the Word of God, was Psalm 103. I left the Bible where it was, got my own out of my sack and sat onto the sofa. Going through each verse I got more into God, each line being like a new degree of His Glory. Meditating on each verse was a mission, my eyes being opened at every stop. It took me a while to go through the while of it, though it is not that long, but the weight of every verse had to be felt and led me to think about other things, about how I had been living over the past weeks. The final three verses were a sprint of growing momentum, Glorifying the Lord, finishing as it started with the verse which is such a mystery but I caught a glimpse of it then and there... And when I finished it, I read it all over again!

Psalm 103
Of David. 1 Praise the LORD , O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD , O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD , you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD , all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD , all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD , O my soul.

Going... Home?

I don't know about you, but there are moments in life, when I'm alone, in which I can actually hear myself think! Did you ever notice that even when you are alone most times, your thoughts are so confused that they are just a bundle of murmurs which are supposed to help you deal with your problems. Do they?... Maybe that's just me, anyway, when you don't have troubles on your mind, that, in my opinion, is when you have hope, for you can actually look around and see. What do you see?...

01/01/2005
Sul treno Grosseto – Orbetello

On the train, going… somewhere.
This sweet and gentle rocking
Brings some sort of peace,
Even though my eyes are tired
And my body slumped.
Appearing and disappearing as I go
A hundred scenes each with
Its own loveliness, playing
Notes and chords to me.
The sites of this land,
So simple, yet so charming.
Vine-filled green hills
Take the shape of a
Voluptuous woman laying.
Little crops of trees still thinking
It’s fall on this first day of the year
Add colourfulness.
Lone roads and lone rivers, leading to
Oh!… A cottage not far from the railway and
Sigh… Miles on…
Rows of cypresses, always leaving me
Quizzical and enchanted.
Never a bad idea…
Have you been there…?
I’d like to…
It’s a show you watch
As the train calmly goes.
Can you reach it?
Wouldn’t that be nice
Miles of land without seeing a man.
I feel I’m one day late,
That this is the last day of the year
And tomorrow new things initiate,
But I guess that’s just an impression,
It gets me more than once,
It’s just… a feeling.
Our hearts don’t follow calendars,
Except on the moment in special occasions.
They make their own beginnings and ends,
With the things that happen to us,
With the way we grow
With what we learn…
My hat is my cushion,
Hoping this train takes me to a place I can call home.

Sul treno, direzione… qualche luogo.
Questo cullare dolce e tranquillo
Ispira una specie di pace
Sebbene i miei occhi siano stanchi
Ed il mio corpo sbragato.
Appaiono e scompaiono andando
Cento viste, ognuna con
La propria delicatezza suonandomi
Note e corde.
I paesaggi di questa terra
Così semplici, ma così attraenti.
Le verdi colline coperte di vigne
Sono le curve di una vergine voluttuosa versata
Alcuni gruppi di alberi pensano che sia
Ancora autunno questo primo dell’anno,
rendendo tutto più colorito.
Strade solitarie e solitari fiumi che portano fino a
Oh!… Una casetta non lontana dalla ferrovia ed
Sospiro… Chilometri più in là…
File di cipressi, che mi lasciano sempre
Curioso ed incantato.
Non sono mai una cattiva idea…
Ci sei mai stato?
A me piacerebbe…
È una pellicola che scorre
Mentre il treno se ne va.
Ci puoi arrivare?
Non sarebbe bello?…
Estese di terra senza vedere anima umana.
Mi sembra di avere un giorno di ritardo,
che oggi sia l’ultimo dell’anno,
e domani nuove cose incominceranno.
Dev’essere soltanto un’impressione,
mi succede ogni tanto,
non è altro che… un sentimento.
I nostri cuori non seguono i calendari
A parte sul momento, per occasioni speciali.
Si fanno i loro propri inizi e fini,
dalle cose che ci capitano,
dal modo in cui cresciamo,
da quello che impariamo…
Mio cappello mi fa da cuscino,
Speriamo che questo treno mi porti in un posto che io possa chiamare casa…

Questo sono io… Questa è la mia vita.