Feel free to complain

Saw this loser the other day, with a t-shirt printed like so walk past me in the library. I thought those kinds of t-shirts were only found in England. What an intellectual... Seriously, women should line up to kick this guy in the nuts; I don’t know which would be more beneficial for him, a sit-down and chat or a few rounds of smacking him about in the octagon…
Now, much ink has been spilt, and keyboard keys used over the issue of male and female roles and such, and though I’d love to, at some point, present a full study of biblical exegesis and hermeneutics on this issue, I’m just going to say a few things from my recent experience and reflexions… Many are, or would say they are offended at my point of view, but the truth is, men lead. It’s in their nature. The problem is that most men lead badly, because of ... selfishness, indifference, whatnot... I don’t think I’m saying anything new here, by the way. It’s seen at a macro scale in the way western society has evolved in the past several decades, where so many women have become more and more the kind of girls guys think up in their fantasies and look at in magazines. The kind of leadership offered by men in most arenas is one of selfishness and indifference. The justifiable answer to the mess created by such an attitude is seen in the feminist response: “Screw you, we’re doing our thing!” And why should they follow such bogus leadership? Are they any less intelligent or capable? (Though does that mean they would be any less selfish...?) Equality is good - yes, I know, I’m saying more and more exciting, incredible new things - the problem is that the attitude backing a lot of those arguments exacerbates an existing issue. Feminism, at its extreme, calls women not to coexist, but to separate from men. This creates a mentality of division and war, how is that going to solve anything, when half the people in this world are the opposite sex from you.

Did we start it? Maybe… Stupid jokes which I myself have laughed to, comments en passant, both men and women have been at it really, and they get nastier as one pushes the boundary; once you snap out of it, you should realise: we’ve created a culture of rivalry between male and female, where we think about what we can get out of the opposite sex and what we can get away with saying and doing, instead of one of respectful complicity, where we aim to serve one another and look for opportunities to do so, since yes, we do have different gifting and wiring!

But instead, because of the rightful disgust thrown at the macho stereotype, masculinity is being redefined, and he should really get out of that chair and stop that makeover, ‘cause it’s not looking good. Oh what the hell, I said it! Now, real masculinity isn’t necessarily looking like Randy Couture (on the left, the warrior himself); but it certainly doesn’t have straightened hair and shaved armpits (look at me! guy on the right with overpriced haircut and probably wearing eyeliner): what can you expect from a guy who spends that much time on his appearance? Does he have his priorities down?

My point is definitely not that outward appearance is what matters in masculinity, it’s about inner conviction and motivations. And there’s a sort of tug-of-war between people who want men to be, well, men, people who want men to be more like women and then there are those who just accept and conform to the trend in comfortable political correctness. Recently, I happened to talk to a few girls who admitted to really liking the style of “emo” guys… Why is that? What can they expect from them? Emotionality without substance. Fashion wins. Everyone else loses. (Someone told me recently that because I show sensitivity, I’m in touch with my feminine side… I’m not in touch, nor do I need to get in touch with my feminine side; I don’t have one, because, oh yes, I’m a man. On the other hand, I have plenty of honest, masculine sensitivity.) I know smart, sensible women who date losers without any vision or scope in life, and they just accept the state of affairs.

Why should women settle for anything less than solid, gentle men? They should be able to expect a better quality of men, men who, in the words of Chris Rock, “handle their business!” Neither the ones who treat them like toilets, nor the ones who expect them to be their mum; guys who run into relationships without thinking about what it will take to carry it forward, who really just want a girl hanging from their arm, like you wanted when you were a teenager. I had a chat with a girl at a party a couple weeks back, and talking about relationships, and about how I’ve not had any stories with girls for several years, she told me that I over-analyse situations and girls, and I don’t get into relationships because of a fear of getting hurt… This doesn’t happen to me very often, but though there may have been some truth there, I couldn’t help feeling that statement was wrong, something didn’t feel right about it (you know how when someone lays truth on you it just hits you right there - not that feeling). I put my finger on it several days later: it’s not that I have a fear of getting hurt as much as how I don’t want to cause unnecessary pain to someone else, because there’s no need to jump into relationships just to then jump out of them having hurt and left emotional scars on someone else. I felt good about that! I’m not saying this to praise myself, but in order to say “that’s what our thinking should be!” That’s how we treat women! Don’t go into a relationship you don’t think you can, or want to, lead!

Now, some may say “I find that offensive! The idea that men lead relationships is outdated and incoherent with our society!” Let me say, that means nothing: opinions are ever-evolving and so is society; the incoherence of society is phenomenal, where people judge those who hold to “outdated” ideals while thinking theirs are “innovative”, when these cycles have been happening for thousands of years, and 50 years down the line, people may believe something completely different anyway. I’ve seen marriages broken by indifference, struggles of leadership, and seen others, led by great men, blossoming with ever-increasing joy. So my ideas are outdated. But what’s the fruit? Gentle, sacrificial, caring, leading love. Wouldn't it be great to set that as the standard for men?

I’m not speaking as one who is qualified, but rather one whose eyes are fixed on that goal, to become less selfish, more caring, and ultimately, the kind of guy who will honour all women equally and love the one he marries all the way to the end.